Warriors Video Game Release Countdown!
by Blurredpaw
Summary: When human Becky learns of an evil plot to make a terrible Warriors video game, she turns herself into a cat and travels to each of the Clans to warn them. Lame humour, parody and noodles. Read and review, no flames, please. Rated T for language.
1. Erin, skyscrapers and a broken elevator

**Blurreh is here with her latest Warriors fanfic, **_**Warriors Video Game Release Countdown! **_**Basically ThunderClan, ShadowClan, RiverClan and WindClan count down until the Warriors PlayStation Game is released. Laughs, twists and angry environmentalists. Enjoy!**

**Blurredpaw: Blurreh owns NOTHING except for the video game, the plot, the software genius's and the dialogue. And she owns the round table. That's all.**

**And also Becky. Yeah. That's all now.**

**I think.**

**Oh, also I own Professor Largenoodle.**

**ON WITH CHAPTER 1: ERIN, SKYSCRAPERS AND A BROKEN ELEVATOR**

In America somewhere, a somewhat hushed party of software geniuses and anxious authors sat at a round table in a very tall skyscraper. At the door was a blonde eleven year old girl who had been hired as the elevator attendant for a feeble sum of five dollars an hour.

Dammit, she hated skyscrapers. This one was an especially high one. She thought at any moment it would crumble under the weight of so many round tables and they would be crushed like ants under the rubble. _I'm so optimistic, _she thought wryly. She allowed herself a small smile as she listened to the conversation before her.

"Welcome Kate, Vicki, Cherith. So, let me think why you would come to us...oh yeah? We're software geniuses right?"

Kate, Vicki and Cherith nodded. "We prefer Erin," Vicki explained.

"All right, ERIN," the software genius smirked. "I'm John Smith." John Smith had typical masculine blonde hair and brown eyes. He wore a very professional grey suit and shiny black shoes. "My co-workers are Harold Tailor, William Rivers and James Brown." They all nodded seriously. "Pleased to meet you." Smith held out his hand like he wanted Erin to shake it. She looked at him blankly, and he slowly withdrew his hand. "Anyway, I've heard of your book series, _Warriors_. It's so popular fans are complaining why there is no video game or movie. Fortunately, there are geniuses like us in the world to create one. Is that why you're here?"

"Perhaps you would be kind enough to use some of that genius to help us," Erin replied. She flicked a piece of lint off her leather jacket.

"It will cost money," Smith warned.

"We have plenty."

"Over twenty thousand?"

Erin looked thoughtful. "ThunderClan might be able to trade some chewing gum," she finally stated. "WindClan won't have anything-don't ask them. Cheapskates. RiverClan-those dratted Twolegs have been buying all their fish, so they'll have plenty of money-although they might want that money to go buy Burger King. And ShadowClan have been robbing banks recently, but they've been living the life of Riley and they might want to keep it. Eh. Maybe I can bribe them."

Smith looked at the others. _Who is this wacko? _he mouthed.

"Anyway," Erin smiled. "We will get the money for you before the game is released."

"Good," Smith smiled. "Today, I have a busy schedule. But not tomorrow. Say, same time tomorrow, same place. We'll fuss over the details later. Goodbye."

"Later," Erin replied. She waved her hand in dismissal and walked out, magically transforming back into three people and discussing new plot lines and dramatic twists for their cats. Tui Sutherland bumped into them, and they started talking about the new clothes shop downtown. The four didn't notice the eleven-year-old girl at all.

Eleven-year-old sighed. Nobody noticed the lowly elevator attendant unless she made some sort of commotion. She screamed loudly to get Smith's attention.

"Huh? Who are you?" Smith asked her.

"I'm Becky, the elevator attendant you hired."

"Elevator attendant? I don't remember any...oh yes, you, Becky! Sit down. What seems to be the matter?"

"The elevator broke down," Becky said flatly, "and twelve people are stuck inside it, screaming through the emergency phone. Luckily I was at my break."

"I didn't say you could have a break," Smith muttered.

"You didn't say I couldn't," Becky smirked.

"Um...has the phone operator got one of her damn headaches?"

"A very bad one," Becky answered. "She had to go home an hour ago."

"They've been stuck in there for an hour?"

"Probably more."

"Damn...bad for business," Smith muttered.

"There are twelve people stuck in an elevator, quickly running out of air, and you're worried that it might be bad for business? What business do you work for anyway?"

"Video Games Incorporated. Well, that's the short title. It's actually _The People Who Make Video Games of T.V Series and Book Series that Bomb After A Few Days in the Store_, but that puts people off."

"..."

"And so we've decided to make a Warriors video game!"

"...Are you going to help the people in the elevator or not?"

"Maybe later."

"Yeah. I'm done here." Becky got up from the chair and walked away slowly, hands in her pockets. _Warriors...aren't they those feral cats that live in Clans somewhere around here? They might see the video game...and be crushed by its badness. Their reputation will be ruined! And as an animal lover, I have to either stop the video game, or warn them! And I don't think John will listen to me, so I'll just have to warn them! But how will I get there...Oooh, I know! Professor Largenoodle!_

"WITH THIS DEVICE, I SHALL ATTAIN ALL OF THE NOODLES IN THE WORLD! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Professor Largenoodle?" Becky asked. Professor Largenoodle was a friend of hers, even if he was a little crazy in his "noodle" and being obsessed with said noodles.

"Yessssss, hmm?"

"I didn't ask for noodles, I asked how I could get turned into a cat. So I could warn Firestar and such..."

"Oh yes, you did indeed. How noodleish of me. AHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"Um, yeah, really...noodleish..." Becky struggled over the last word. "Just tell me how long it will take to make the device."

"With my Psychic-Becky-Teller-Device-Noodle I predicted you coming here, and so I built the Noodle-Becky-Warrior-Device, which will change you into a warrior cat!"

"That's, um, convenient. Say I take it home, write a note to all my people and then use it?" Becky asked.

"Yes, of course! Do with it what you will. I have no use for it, among these other devices you can also have. Show the warriors the genius of Professor Largenoodle! Among them are the famous Noodle-Noodle-Maker, the Noodle-Noodle-Moodle-Cow-Maker-Into-Noodles-Er, the-

"I don't think they'll be interested," Becky interrupted, then realised what she had just said. "Um, not in that way, I'm sure they love noodles and all but-"

"NOT THAT INTERESTED?" the angry professor screamed. His face was even going purple. "NOODLES ARE THE MEANING OF LIFE! YOU CANNOT NOT BE INTERESTED IN NOODLES! HAVE YOU SEEN THOSE ONES THAT LOOK LIKE LOVEHEARTS? _NOODLES ARE AWESOME!_"

"But-"

"!"

"I'd best be going," Becky stammered, stepping away. "Remember to feed Hepsie..."

"I RENAMED THAT HAMSTER NOODLE, BECAUSE NOODLES ARE IMPORTANT!" Professor Largenoodle fumed.

Becky ran until she was safe at home.

_Dear Mary and Peter (mum and dad),_

_As you know I have a job as an elevator attendant for five bucks an hour, but today I overheard that the software geniuses are going to make a Warrior Cats video game._

_And it is going to be crap. The head of the production team even says so himself. Anyway, I visited my friend Professor Largenoodle today and he made me a machine that would make me a cat, so I could warn the Clans about the video game, because their reputation would be crushed. Then hopefully I'll team up with some of them to try and stop it, but I don't know about that part. Anyway, I'll be gone for a while, but don't you worry, because I'll be back really soon!_

_See ya!_

_-Becky_

**Ooh, so Becky is going to transform herself into a cat and warn the Clans of the video game? This should make a hilarious and dramatic adventure, don't you think?**

**You think not? Whatever. Just read and review!**

**Plus all of my other fics are on hiatus. Because I'm a lazy procrastinator :D**

**-BLURREH SIGNING OUTZ**


	2. On to WindClan!

Becky awoke with a start. She was surrounded by trees. Green trees. Very tall green trees, with leaves. Normal trees. _Warrior _trees.

"...YES! I DID IT!" she squealed in delight, although now it was more of a high-pitched yowl that sort of went like "YEEEEOOOWRRRRRAHEEEEEEE". _The next mildly reflective surface I see, I'm looking at myself. I hope I'm as awesome-looking as a cat as I am as a human._

She wandered for a couple of hours until she saw a pond. _Alarm, alarm, mildly reflective surface coming into view..._ She stopped when she saw her reflection in the water. She was a small deathly black she-cat, with piercing blue eyes. In short, she actually looked cool, in a creepy kind of way. _Man, I wish I had my cat Eva beside me. She would be so fun to talk to now that I can understand cats. _She saw the still had her hair band looped around her tail.

She kept walking (again) until she saw a sign. She peered at it. It appeared to be scratched into the wooden post with claws. It said "WindClan this way! Prepare to meet the moors!" Becky shrugged as best as she could with the body of a cat, and continued on her way.

"Hey you!"

Instantly Becky whipped around. "Who's there?" she challenged the phantom voice.

"Over here!" came the voice again.

"Stupid phantom voice...where?"

"Get over here, you bit-"

"THAT'S IT! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LITTLE...PARASITE!" Becky started running.

"Longkit! Have you been badmouthing others again?" A tabby she-cat stepped out of the bushes opposite Becky, clearly not seeing the former human.

"No, I have not! There's an intruder somewhere!" Longkit protested.

"Oh, don't be silly. That was just your imagination. I'll prove it to you. Hello, is anybody else there?"

"Um, yeah, there is actually," Becky said, stepping out from behind a conveniently-placed bush. "Is this WindClan?"

"...AIEEEEEEEE! INTRUDER!"

"See, I told you so," mewed Longkit smugly.

"You stupid little parasite," Becky fumed. "I swear, one day I'll get you back so hard you'll-"

"No you won't! Because when Mom's recovered from the shock of seeing you she'll take you to Onestar, and he'll be mad and lock you up! Mwahahahaha!"

"Dude, you're scaring me, where does a kit learn an evil laugh?" Becky asked.

"The Internet."

"Really? Where?"

"AIEEEEE!"

"Oh yeah, the shocked mother and all. Guess I better calm her down." Longkit walked calmly over to his mother and yowled, "MICE!" right in her ear. His mother sat up suddenly. "Mice? Where?"

"Mom, there's an intruder we need to take care of," Longkit looked at his mother.

"Oh right," his mother mewed dazedly, seemingly disappointed by the lack of mice. "My name is Leafyflame, and I'm Longkit's mother," the she-cat explained. "I'm a WindClan queen. Now you have to come with us, because you're trespassing."

Becky sighed. "Whatever. Can I talk to Onestar? Real important. WindClan's reputation is at stake."

"We'll see what he says."

Becky could have easily broken free, as Longkit was a kit and Leafyflame was just plain dumb, but she figured this was the best chance she'd get to speak to Onestar. That was when Longkit started making conversation.

"I'm getting apprenticed tomorrow," he mewed absentmindedly.

"Good for you," Becky replied noncaringly.

"Hey! I've known you for a good five minutes and all you do is hit me while I'm down," Longkit replied, seemingly hurt by Becky's comment.

"One: You're not "down". Two: Five minutes is not a good enough amount of time for me to even want to get to know you. Three: During most of those said five minutes, you were bashing me."

"Hey, I didn't know you then."

: You don't know me _now_, squirt."

"I'M NOT A SQUIRT-"

"Yeah you are, squirt."

"I'm an apprentice!"

"Tomorrow, you are an apprentice," Becky answered. "Today, you are a squirt."  
>"STOP CALLING ME SQUIRT, YOU RETARD!"<p>

"Stop calling me retard, you squirt-"

"We're here!" Leafyflame yowled, bursting into the WindClan camp, which the author is too lazy to describe. ThunderClan patrols have been in the camp more than enough times for Erin to describe the setting, so if you weren't paying attention, tough.

Everyone seemed to stare at Becky as she walked in. She felt seemingly millions of pairs of eyes on her, including Ashfoot and Onestar. Longkit didn't seem to mind that everyone was also looking at him, and absently licked his paw.

"Leafyflame." Onestar's tone was cold. "Why have you brought this cat here?"

"She was trespassing," Leafyflame replied, "but she says that she would like to speak to you urgently."

Onestar just stood there for a moment, taking it all in. "Fine, What do you have to say, intruder?"

Becky chose her words carefully. "What I would like to say is not for all ears," she mewed. "I would prefer if we could speak alone, with just Ashfoot, Kestrelflight, and yourself."

Onestar looked cautious, but eventually accepted. "Fine. Everyone get on with your regular duties. And no eavesdropping!" He ducked inside his den, Ashfoot following him, and Kestrelflight giving Becky some strange looks.

"So," Onestar asked when they were all squished inside, "what do you have to say?"

Becky had a flash of inspiration as soon as she heard him speak. "I..." she began. "I come from...I come from StarClan."

"Liar!" Onestar snapped. "If you were from StarClan, you'd be starry!"

"Tell us the real reason!" Ashfoot hissed.

"Let her speak," Kestrelflight mewed calmly. "I want to hear this."

"Surely you can't be serious!" Onestar hissed.

"She's obviously lying," Ashfoot snorted.

"What if she isn't?" Kestrelflight challenged them.

"I'm not," Becky interrupted.

"Be quiet," Onestar hissed.

"No, speak," Kestrelflight urged her.

"Whatever," Ashfoot sighed, rolling her eyes.

"Fine," Onestar snorted.

"Thank you," Becky sighed, rolling her eyes. "Anyway, it may be too much to take in...but I _am _from StarClan. My name is Shadewhisper. I was killed by a monster on the Thunderpath when I had just begun my apprenticeship. I was never mentioned at a Gathering, because I had not done anything worthwhile, and ShadowClan-my Clan-thought it best to leave my death out of the picture."

Ashfoot and Onestar were looking at Becky intently, while Kestrelflight just sniffed sadly.

Becky continued. "I was accepted into StarClan, but then something happened. One day I crossed the Thunderpath in the sky, and a monster was there, crossing at the exact same time as I did. Next...I woke up as a Twoleg, knocked over by the monster."

"Outrageous!" cried Onestar and Ashfoot as one, but Becky continued.

"I had gained memories as a Twoleg. I lived in a Twoleg nest, which is actually called a house. My parents were two Twolegs-humans-called Mary and Peter."

"Weird names," Ashfoot muttered.

"There was another cat in the house too-Eva was our family cat, which is a kittypet. Then one day I got a job."

"What's that?" Onestar asked.

"A job is when you do something, like hunting or cleaning something, or even building something," Becky lectured, "and you get rewarded for it. I got a job as an elevator attendant."

"Elevator?" echoed Kestrelflight.

"Some Twoleg nests-houses-are very, very tall, and it takes a long time to get from one bit to another. So there are special things that you can use to go up and down. They're called elevators. Anyway, when I was over there, I heard a secret. A bunch of Twolegs are going to ruin the warrior code by letting Twolegs know about it. The Twolegs will come here and you'll be destroyed. You won't be able to move like you did before, because everywhere you go, they'll be Twolegs. They'll want to capture you and kill you!" Becky thought this was a bit dramatic, but she hoped it would get the message across.

"Absurd!" Onestar hissed. "Twolegs can't harm WindClan!"

"Get out," Ashfoot growled. "Or we'll rip your ears off."

"What if she's not lying?" Kestrelflight mused. "What if we are destroyed?"

"We won't," Onestar sighed, rolling his eyes.

"We have to believe Shadewhisper in case we do," Kestrelflight argued. "Just listen to me for once!"

Onestar just rolled his eyes.

"Wait!" Becky remembered her hair band. "Look at this! It's a hair band! Twolegs use it to tie their head fur up!"

Ashfoot sniffed at it. "It does have Twoleg scent on it," she admitted reluctantly.

"See? It's true!" Becky and Kestrelflight mewed at the same time.

Onestar nodded thinly. "Fine. I'll believe you. But I'm still not convinced." He settled back. "Go tell RiverClan. I'll send Leafyflame and Longkit with you."

"But Longkit's a kit," Becky protested.

"Oh yes. I'll do the naming ceremony right now. EVERYONE IN WINDCLAN GET DOWN HERE NOW, OR I'LL TAKE AWAY YOUR DIRT PLACE PRIVILEDGES!"

Everyone instantly assembled.

"Right," Onestar mewed. "Longkit, get up here!" Longkit padded up.

"Have I done something wrong?" he asked, trembling.

"StarClan, no. I'm making you an apprentice so you're allowed to go with Shadewhisper and Leafyflame to RiverClan."

"RiverClan?" Longkit asked.

"Do you want to be an apprentice or not?"

"Hell yeah!" Longkit mewed enthusiastically.

"Then by the power invested in me, I now join Longpaw and Leafyflame in holy matrimony as mentor and apprentice. You may now kiss the bride." Longpaw gave his mother a big smooch.

"Is it over?" Longpaw asked.

"Yeah. Now go join Shadewhisper over there."

_It's somewhat different from what I read in the books, _Becky thought.

"Let's go!" Longpaw exclaimed. "Leafyflame! Over here!"

Leafyflame padded over. "Ready to go!" she mewed excitedly.

"Great. Let's go!" Becky led the way into RiverClan's territory proudly. Then she raced back into the WindClan camp. "Forgot my wallet," she explained, dashing off again.

**Will Becky, Longpaw and Leafyflame succeed in convincing RiverClan to join forces with Becky?**

**Will Onestar and Ashfoot eventually believe Becky?**

**Will Becky ever get to use that wallet?**

**And what are you doing here reading this! READ AND REVIEW! No flames please, anybody who reviews nicely will receive a free virtual plushie of Becky. Yay for Becky!**


	3. The Dastardly Blob

**Remember to R&R! In this chapter, they head to RiverClan to try and convince Mistystar and co. to fight the forces of evil that are the software geniuses and send a warrior to help them. On with Chapter 3!**

**CHAPTER 3-THE DASTARDLY BLOB**

"Ring ring."

"What?"

"I said, ring ring."

"What are you playing at?"

"ANSWER THE DAMN PHONE!'

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Becky mewed irritably. "Hello, who's there?"

"Me!" Leafyflame burst out laughing at her own joke.

Longpaw shook his head. "Not cool, mom."

"Who cares? We're here," Becky announced, flicking her tail across Leafyflame's face just to annoy her. They'd swum across the lake (because it was so much easier than simply walking across to their camp) and trekked across the horseplace (where Longpaw had feverishly marvelled at two mating horses) they were finally there. At least, they were nearer to their camp. Which Becky had no idea where it was.

"Boola hula hoola doola," muttered a strange voice. The sound of drums was carried in on the breeze.

"The hell?" Longpaw asked himself.

"That sounded...strange..." Becky muttered, casting shifty glances at a squirrel happily eating an acorn a few fox lengths in front of her.

"BOO!" yowled Leafyflame at the squirrel. She laughed psychotically.

Longpaw turned to Becky flatly. "She's always been like this ever since that coconut fell on her head..."

Suddenly, a row of girls wearing skimpy can-can costumes paraded in, kicking their legs up high, singing something about a flashback.

"Oh God. Not another pointless flashback. I get them enough at home when I watch my embarrassing school production videos..." Becky muttered.

"_Tabbypelt! Tabbypelt! I did it! I caught a mouse!" screeched a young Leafyflame, now Leafypaw. Her shrill screams attracted the attention of a nearby small rodent..._

_Who was grieving for his young, viciously killed by this young she-cat._

_The mouse ran across the ground to hide under a leaf..._

_But was unfortunately picked up by an eagle..._

_But chased off by a squirrel..._

_Who dropped his nut and shrieked, and climbed down to get it..._

_This made the tree shake..._

_This made the baby squirrel squeak and disturb a coconut on the tree..._

_This made it fall directly onto Leafypaw's head._

_DONK!_

Becky and Longpaw looked up at the monitor, not noticing the camera was on them. Longpaw realised first. "We're on? Oh, okay. So yeah, it's pretty heart-wrenching that I'm an only child and I have to take care of my mother all by myself."

"You have a whole Clan to take care of Leafyflame," Becky sighed. "Not saying that would be enough."

"Agreed."

"MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" raved Leafyflame behind them. "Take that you stupid squirrel! Now you'll pay for what you did to my noggin!"

"...Uh, right. Hey, what happened to the Boola Dude?"

"You mean the Boola Duda," Longpaw corrected his friend.

"...Whatevs. But seriously, what happened?"

"BOOLA HULA HOOLA DOOLA SHOOMA COOLA FRUIT OF THE LOOMA..."

"Did I just hear, 'Fruit of the Looma?' " Becky asked confusedly.

"Yeah, I heard it too," Longpaw mewed. "We should be extra careful-"

" RIVASHMIVA!" screamed an unearthly voice from behind them. The three cats whipped around and saw the RiverClan warriors, decked out in tribal wear, chanting and stomping to the beat of their own "music".

"...Fancy dress party?" was all Becky had to offer.

"Boola. We will take yoola to our looda," said one cat with a torn ear.

"Wait-Tornear? Aren't you meant to be with us?" Leafyflame mewed curiously.

"They have a great dental plan," was all Tornear said.

Becky rolled her eyes. "If we can end the Curiosity Party, we have work to do. Yes, take us to your...looda."

They soon arrived at the RiverClan camp, the warriors chanting "BOOLA HULA DOOLA SHOOMA COOLA FRUIT OF THE LOOMA" over and over again. At last a relatively sane-looking warrior approached them.

"I am Licktongue," he mewed graciously. "The Great Mistystar will see you now. Please, enter her den."

As Becky and co. entered the den, they saw a sight that was too repulsive to even _write_ about, but I'll describe it anyway because the rest of the chapter won't make sense if I don't. Mistystar was...plump.

No, not the right word. Obese.

Horrifically obese.

She looked like Meg from the Star Wars Family Guy crossover parody, except without the slime. Fat folds rolled out from underneath her like waves, and every time she moved in the slightest, there was a revolting flapping sound that was caused by her immense girth slapping itself. Seriously, she must have weighed about 900 pounds. Her eyes were blank, but her mouth was wide open as she burped. The shockwaves carried Longpaw, Becky and Leafyflame off their paws. Their ears were ringing afterwards. Licktongue came in to translate.

So Becky repeated her story to Licktongue, Licktongue occasionally translating for Mistystar, who belched every time he spoke. Licktongue finally looked at Mistystar.

"We must wait to hear her opinion," he mewed.

They waited...

And waited...

And waited...

_BURRRPPPPPP._

The shockwaves rippled out and again carried the three adventurers (must I explain who?) off their paws again.

"The Great Mistystar has _spoken_!" screeched Licktongue excitedly. "And she says she believes you about John Smith the software genius, or whatever his name was. And she says that I, and my apprentice Hyacinthpaw, will accompany you to the other Clans."

"Sweet! Let's go then!" Hyacinthpaw bounded up. She was extremely pretty, in a schoolgirl kind of way, with light ginger fur and sparkling green eyes. Her beautiful white paws looked like...beautiful white paws. Longpaw was instantly infatuated.

"Sweet StarClan, she's hot!" he yowled.

Hyacinthpaw rolled her eyes. "Toms," she mewed, rolling her eyes. "I'm glad I wasn't born one." Licktongue cuffed his apprentice around the ear. "Hey!"

Becky got out her wallet and paid Mistystar twenty human dollars. "Keep the change," she mewed, "and buy yourself something nice. An all-you-can-eat-buffet, perhaps, hmm?"

**Yay! End of third chapter! RiverClan is convinced, but will they fear so well with...THUNDERCLAN?**

**I have no clue.**

**But rest assured that there is more to come x3**

**Next chapter-THE DASTARDLY BLOB**


End file.
